Random

Sometimes very random things happen to me.  Things that, when you got up in the morning, were the last thing you ever expected to happen?  I suppose it must be the same for everyone but it happened to me on Tuesday morning.

There I was, quite happily ironing away in the kitchen and listening to MacAulay and Co. on Radio Scotland and Fred was talking about chips. I never suspected for a second I would end up on the show speaking to him about them.  I couldn't believe it.  Not so much about my appearance on the Fred show.  No, I couldn't believe I was ironing, and happy!

Anyway, the item on the show was all about home-made chips.  The question Fred put out to the listeners was, "How do you make yours?"  I can't resist things like this so being fairly proud of my chip recipe and a bit bored (my ironing happiness was waning rapidly) I sent a text.  I can't claim total credit for the recipe - I found it in a slimming magazine about twelve years ago, but it's a good one and I've used it ever since.

I thought Fred might read it out in passing but no, I got a call from one of the producers saying my chips sounded lovely and would I like to go on air and chat to Fred about them.  Well...not being one to shy away from spreading recipes left right and centre, I agreed.  

I realise by now that anyone reading this must be shouting, "Anne, Anne, tell us your fantastic recipe for chips" and I could be extremely attention seeking and say, "You need to go to the MacAulay and Co website and listen again to Tuesday's show from about 1 minute 23 seconds onwards."  But I realise that's a very diva thing to say so here it is;

Anne's Chips

Potatoes - obviously.  I use any kind but if the skins are good don't peel it off.
Olive oil,
Mixed herbs,
salt and pepper.


Put the chips into a bowl and dab any excess moisture off with some kitchen towel.
Pour a glug of olive over - just enough to coat the tatties.
Sprinkle mixed herbs, salt and black pepper over them and mix thoroughly.
Shove them in the oven at 180 degrees Celsius for about 20 minutes until soft and golden.
Scoff.

And they're lovely on their own with a blob of reduced fat mayonnaise.

Another random thing happened on Tuesday.  I ended up in our loft looking for my daughter's ice skates.  Ooft.  What a mess.

Here's a suggestion for the producers of Fred's show.  Why not do an item on hoarders?

Forgive Me.

Forgive me Blog for I have sinned.  It's been nearly six months since my last post.  What?  Six months?  Jesus.  Where has the time gone?

I have to admit at being a bit nervous of writing the blog now.  I started it way back when I was writing my Major Project for my MA.  At that time I said I felt a blog needed a subject - a reason for existing - and my progression through the course was that reason.  But now I've graduated that reason has gone.  So, what's my reason for writing it now?  Well, do I really need one?  I don't think so.  So, I'm going to just write about nothing in particular, just whatever comes up in my life.  It might turn out to be a rather tediously boring blog but at least I'm writing.

So, what's happened since last October?  Well, I graduated and I'm now the proud owner of an MA in Creative Writing.  I can't say it was easy but I got there.  So that's me got a degree from Glasgow Uni and one from Napier Uni and I have to say there is some difference between the two. I don't mean in prestige or kudos or anything like that.  No, I mean the actual degree.  The Glasgow one was encased in a red tube and was all embossing, curly script and Latin and the Napier one was printed on a piece of A4 and shoved in a cardboard folder.  I could have done a better job myself.  But I suppose the certificates are only tokens - it's the experience that counts.  I had a great time at both uni's - and met some brilliant people. But alas, I don't have a job.

What else has happened?  Well, I can tell you what hasn't happened.  I've done absolutely nothing with my idea for a book about Sir Thomas Lipton.  I wrote 20,000 words of it for my Major Project and it's still languishing at the bottom of a bag.  It's been there since I got it back at the end of August.  I haven't even looked through it properly.  I think I spent so much time and effort on it I sickened myself with old Lipton.  Shame, because it's a great story.  I'm sure I'll get back to it one day.  No - I will get back to it.  I just need to think of a different angle.

In my last blog I mentioned I'd entered my play "She's Gone" into the Channel 4/Oran Mor Comedy Award competition .  Needless to say I didn't win.  Although, at one point I started to think they might have at least liked it.  I got an email from April Chamberlain from Channel 4 asking how long the running time was.  I told her about 43- 45 minutes.  She emailed back asking if I could extend it slightly - which I did.  So in my mind I actually got some recognition.  But in the end I didn't even make the short list!  Never mind.

What I did get though was the first scene of a play I'm working on workshopped by Playwright's Scotland at their last Stage to Page event in February.  Now, I don't use the word "thrilling" much but the experience was actually thrilling.  My scene was handed over to a director and two actors who did an amazing job in giving my characters life.  And get this - I was referred to as "the writer" and had to do a Q&A session with about 50 or 60 people who had come along to the CCA to watch the event.  Mental!  I got a lot of positive feedback and some great suggestions on how to take it forward.  To see the words I'd written actually coming to life was brilliant and has really spurred me onto finish writing the play, which I've now done.  The plan is to sit on it for a few days and then do a rewrite.  I have someone in mind to send it to - so fingers crossed.

I haven't bought any Sunday papers for ages because when I used to buy them, they would lie around on sofas before I would put them out for recycling, usually unread.  But I bought the Sunday Mail and the Sunday Herald yesterday out of interest and boredom.  On a first glance through the Sunday Mail I came across "Your Week Ahead" star forecast.  I haven't read this kind of thing for ages so here goes.  Virgo - "It's good to see Mercury moving forward blah, blah, blah.  The cosmos has a spur on now blah, blah, blah.  Around June 22nd you'll celebrate something connected to this week."  What a tease.  I need to wait 14 weeks to see what I'm celebrating.  But what am I doing this week?  Ah - I'm sending my play to someone!  If nothing happens by June 23rd I will be sending a strongly worded letter of complaint to Lynne Ewart, the Sunday Mail's "brilliant astrologer."  Well, she needs to be held accountable for getting me excited.

Anyway, I could be here forever trying to catch up on the last six months and you would be bored rigid so I'll stop and carry on another time - and it won't be in six months, honestly.

It's been a while.

I knew this would happen.  I start a blog, let it slip and then feel rubbish.  But, I'm determined to keep it going this time.

I suppose the reason I don't want to let it slip is I like writing it.  The problem is - I just don't think my life is interesting enough to sustain a daily post.

Anyway- let me do a quick catch up.

I heard from David Stenhouse, the radio producer.  Alas, he doesn't think there is enough time to make a radio programme about the closure of the Caterpillar before the end of the year.  And The Scotsman are dragging their heels too much, so that's a no as well.  Oh well.  I tried.

I've still been writing.  I've entered a couple of competitions.

Typically. I left them to the last minute and had to write like a demon to make the deadlines.  But I made it.  Proof that I definitely need a deadline to make me get my arse into gear.

Let me say - I don't think I have a hope in hell in getting anywhere with these competitions but I know I definitely won't if I don't enter.  So, I've just gone for it.  You never know.

One of them was a Creative Non-fiction competition.  For my last assessment at uni I had to write a proposal for my Lipton book - so I felt I was almost there.  I just had to refine and polish what I'd already written and fire it in.  But, there was a bit more than that involved.  I hate when I re read something I've done for an assessment.  It always seems total rubbish.  However, I gritted my teeth and made myself read and amend it, but it took ages.

Part of the application form asked for my writing history.  Mmmm!  It's times like this I realise I might have written a lot of stuff - but I've done nothing with it.  Some friends on the MA course have been entering competitions for years and have built up an nice wee list of short listings and published stuff.  But me?  Not very much I'm afraid.  I need to start getting pro-active.

The prize for this competition is being mentored by Hi-Arts and Jenny Brown Associates with a view to having a non-fiction book published.  Sounds great eh?

The other competition is one being run between Oran Mor and Channel 4.  They are looking for a one act comedy play.

Now, this is a prize I would absolutely love to win.  The prize?  £5,000 and a weeks run in A Play, A Pie and a Pint in Oran Mor during the Glasgow International Comedy Festival.  I don't know about you but this impresses me.

I've been going to see plays in Oran Mor at lunchtime for years and feel that someone from either Channel 4 or PPP even reading my work is prize enough.

I decided to enter a play I started in 2008.  The idea was there and a lot of it was written but I didn't know how it should end.  This competition really focussed my mind and I did it - in less than a week.  The deadline is today and I was still writing it last night.

The first version I wrote was only running to over half an hour.  I needed to increase it to nearly 50 minutes.  By ten o'clock last night I was word blind.  I needed to stop.  So I did - with the intention of timing it today and sending it in.

But I woke up at 5am this morning in a bit of a sweat.  I was convinced I was going to miss the deadline.  Once the thought was in my head I wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep so I got up and worked on it.  I finally submitted it at 6.04am.

I don't think I'm going to win by any stretch of the imagination (the competition is open to all playwrights so there will be a huge amount of talent entering) but having done so much work on it I really didn't want to miss the deadline.  I got an email earlier.  It was in on time and has been accepted.  Phew.

I was going to go back to bed after I had submitted it but I felt okay.  So, as a result of getting up early I've done some ironing, hoovered, sorted out all my clothes and I've bagged a lot of stuff I don't wear any more ( for don't wear any more read can't get into any more) and washed the dishes.  Not a bad morning's work.  I really should get up early more often.

And talking about stuff I can't get into any more - we bought a nice, new exercise bike.  And the surprising thing is - we are all using it.  And the even more surprising thing is I'm quite enjoying using it.

Today is the start of a new month and usually, for me, the start of a new healthy eating and exercise regime.  I think I'm going to have to really mean it this time.  I need to lose at least three stones.  (I think I might have said this when I had two stones to lose - and one stone before that)  It's not funny any more.  And it's not a vanity thing - I think it's more a health thing now.

So if any of you see me eating or drinking anything which is not classed as health food you have my permission to nick whatever it is off me.  Don't worry - I won't be able to chase you.

There.  I feel better for having written this post.  Long may it continue.

Sad coinidences

It's really rubbish when you hear bad news.

We've known Rab and John for a long time: Dougal has known them since primary school and I've known them for over thirty years.  We don't see them very often now - because of various work and family reasons - but when we do meet up or speak it's like we'd seen each other yesterday.  There is never any strangeness or any awkwardness between us - we just have a good blether and catch up - and usually a few drinks.

The last time we met up with John was almost a year ago and it's been a lot longer since seeing Rab.  So, how's this for a coincidence?  On Friday night I was told that John's mum had died on Wednesday (5th Sept.) About an hour and a half later Rab phoned to say his mum had died earlier that day (7th Sept.)

So, this week begins and ends in sadness.  John's mum's funeral was this morning and Rab's is on Friday.  The one positive thing is we all met up this morning and despite the sadness we still managed to have a quiet giggle about silly things from the past.  We'll all see each other on Friday again - I just wish it was under happier circumstances.

But, it's given us a timely collective kick up the arse and reminded us we should see each other more often.

It's been a while since my last blog - but I've not just been sitting staring at the wall.  Well, I have at times but I've also been doing other things.  I've written and submitted my article for the Glasgow West End Magazine.  I know it's only September but it was all about panto.  My editor thought it might be good to interview my daughter because she's a theatre and set designer - and she's designing the Cottier Theatre's panto this year.  I also interviewed the guys who are writing, directing and starring in this year's offering 'Weans in the Wood.'  I thought it might be quite strange interviewing Kirsten but it was really nice.  It gave us a chance to think back to when she was three and her first visit to a theatre.  It was also lovely to spend some time chatting to Ian Bustard and Mark Cox about their panto.  It sounds like a cracker (please forgive that terrible pun) so if you're up for cheering the goodies and booing the baddies this year get yourself along to Cottier's Theatre.  Oh - and you can read the full article in the October/November's issue of the fabulous, free magazine Glasgow West End Magazine - available in most pubs, cafe's and coffee shops all over the west end. (Please forgive that terrible plug)

The other piece of writing I've done in the last week is a radio pitch which I emailed to Radio 4 and Radio Scotland producer David Stenhouse.  I won't say what it's about as yet but I will say there's probably very little chance of it being made - I haven't had a reply yet. The fact I haven't heard from Mr Stenhouse doesn't mean he doesn't like my idea.  It's possible he hasn't got it yet.  I'm hoping he's on holiday or off sick.  I don't mean I hope he's sick.  I hope he's very healthy.  Oh shit - I think I'll stop digging now.  

I'll tell all about my idea if I hear from him.

And that's not all I've been writing.  Last week saw the start of a new season of a Play, A Pie and a Pint.  Each week they have a competition where the best review of a play in under 100 words wins a bottle of malt whisky.  I went to see 'Dead Famous' by Keith Temple with Catherine from uni.  I emailed my entry which just appeared on the PPP website today.  I gave it a nice wee review because I liked the play and found it quite funny.  However, there are another couple of reviews completely slating it.  It made me consider my judgement.  I probably won't win the whisky because the PPP team will no doubt think I'm a sycophantic twat.  But, then again - you never know.

A while ago I was told there might be a chance I could get an article printed in The Scotsman about the closure of the Caterpillar factory.  Sam told me at my last tutorial I should follow this up so I'm off to send an email to the man who might be able to make it happen.

I've just remembered I said I was going to keep you up to date on my attempts to lose weight.  Well - I'm saying nothing, except I'm going to start again tomorrow - again.

Over.

Last Friday I attended my last ever tutorial at uni.  It was to discuss my Personal Development Plan - or what I intend to do now.

It's a bit sad to think I'll never need to haul myself out of bed extremely early every Friday morning to drive to Edinburgh and not get home until about half six at night - knackered and starving.

Aye right.  After the exertions of the last couple of months I feel like I've got my life back.  I've got a long list of all the stuff I want to do.  I'm even looking forward to doing some housework - and that's saying something.

It was a nice meeting with Sam and David, although Sam started off by saying she was going to talk at me and not with me.  Fair enough.  So I just sat, for the most part, and listened.  What she said made a lot of sense.  I need to get pro-active and get out there and generate writing work for myself.  No one is going to come to my door begging me to write for them.  Oh - and she said I should stop writing fiction.  Again. fair enough.  In her opinion I should concentrate on non-fiction, historical stuff and journalism.

I can totally live with that but I've still got a great idea rattling around my head for a novel - which won't go away until I have it down on paper.  Well - I think it's a great idea.  One of these days I will write it.


I've been powering down for the last couple of weeks.  The contents of the wine cellar have been guzzled - the hangover's have been endured and it's been boarded back up again.  It's now time to get off my arse and get back to a life which includes writing but isn't dominated by it.

I started off gently by getting the knitting needles out.  Knitting is very relaxing.  I do it when I'm watching the telly at night or if I need to think about something.  Everyone thinks knittings for old people but knitting is the new clubbing.  Well, maybe not.

I'm thinking of starting a scarf knitting business called Scarf Ace (get it?)  I've now knitted another one to add to my collection.  So, if anyone wants a lovely, cosy scarf for the winter just let me know.  I'll also knit for kids if anyone wants me to.  I should really try and get a stall somewhere.

I'm also going to start going back to my art class - and I can't wait.  I've always loved painting but other things always get in the way.  By going to a class I feel I can devote a couple of hours to it - and it's a chance to meet new people.  At the end of the Major Project I was beginning to feel quite isolated.  It's now time out of the house for a while.


But I have a couple of things writerly things I need to do immediately.

One is the article I'm writing for Glasgow West End Magazine.  It's for the October/November issue but my deadline is Friday.  I'm hoping I can squeeze another couple of days form my editor.  This is the issue which looks at the different panto's on in Glasgow (oh yes it is.)  I know - it's panto time again already.

This time I'm doing a quick round up but I'm also looking at putting on a panto from behind the scenes - so I'm going to be interviewing my daughter Kirsten.  She's designing the Cottier's panto set and costumes this year.  This is going to be a very weird experience.  I'm also going to have a word with the writer and director and maybe some of the performers to get a full picture of what it takes to put the finished product on the stage.  I'm really looking forward to it.

The other thing I need to do is email BBC radio producer, David Stenhouse.  He came to speak to us in Napier in January.  He told us how to pitch an idea for a radio programme and gave us a few months to write a pitch for our Major Project.  I was extremely nervous about doing it because I'm not good at speaking in public.  But, I must have done all right because he liked the idea and said he would commission it.  I need to remind him.  I've also got another idea which I think I might share with him.  And like Sam says - he's not going to come to me.

What was that?

Is it someone knocking the door with a fantastic writing opportunity?

Yes?

No.  it isn't.

Damn it.  I suppose I'd better go and get pro-active.

Result

(For some reason this post doesn't appear to have been published.  I wrote it on 23rd August but I don't know what happened so I'm publishing it now.  Sorry if it has been published and you've read it before.  Technology eh?  Or maybe it's just me and technology.)



I dreamed last night I got the result of my Major Project through the post in an envelope which had been ripped open.  The piece of paper inside showed two results; a P2 and a D2.  It was a really weird one because I wasn't expecting the results to be out until next Thursday.

So you can imagine my shock when I saw on Facebook one of the girls on the course saying she'd passed.

It was with a thudding heart and a shaking hand I checked the uni results page.  I got a P4 (69%) and I'm delighted.  I honestly wasn't sure that I'd even passed.  I know people say that kind of thing all the time but I mean it - because I wasn't sure that what I'd written was Creative Non-fiction to an MA standard and not just 19,110 words of facts.

A while ago I said I knew angels existed.  I was going through a particularly tough time trying to get things right so I contacted Christina Stephen who did a CNF MP last year for some advice.  She took time to read what I'd done and gave me some great pointers.  After speaking to her via emails etc. I calmed down a bit and things started to come together.  So, if you're reading this Christina - thanks very much.

Also - thanks to everyone who's had to listen to me moaning for the last few months (especially Dougal, Kirsten and Ross.)

Right - enough of all this soppy stuff.  I can't believe it's quarter past six and I haven't torn the planks across the wine cellar down yet.  Where's the claw hammer?

And the cork screw?

Decision

It's been a couple of days since I handed in the last elements of my Major Project and I suspect there is a very strong connection between that and the disappearance of a fair amount of wine from Hogg Towers' wine cellar.  But the hangover has cleared and I now feel able to face a keyboard once more.

It was such a relief to drop the finished article into the uni's drop box and to know that I don't need to write another essay ever again.  But, what to do now?

I started this blog to chart my progress through the process of writing the first 20,000 words of a book.  I've done it now so I suppose I can wind it up.

I've always thought a blog without a purpose is just a diary and why anyone would want to read what I get up to I can't imagine.  But I've quite enjoyed writing it - so I think I'll keep it going for a while.  I'll write about what I've done with my project, as far as continuing to write it, and will report on what I've done about trying to get it published.

In my Personal Development Plan I've written that a few of my short term goals are to enter some creative writing competitions and to carry on with the magazine work and theatre reviewing.  That might be interesting to write about - and maybe read.  Oh - and I'm going to keep writing the novel.

In amongst all this writing malarky I might write about what I'm going to do to lose the huge amount weight I've gained while putting down roots at my desk.  The most energetic thing I've done in the last three months is to struggle to the kitchen to make endless cups of coffee and devour anything which might be lying around - and let me tell you - it hasn't been fruit.

If I know some people are reading about it I might actually stick to a healthy eating plan and start exercising. I mean, I can lie to myself but I wouldn't dream of lying to anyone taking time out of their day to read my drivel.  So the more you read the more weight I'll lose.  My weight is in your hands.  Oh God - what a thought.

But first - I'm off to buy a few planks of wood, a sturdy hammer and a bucket of nails.

The Hogg Towers' wine cellar is getting boarded up.

Struggling

It's a hard slog.

This essay is giving me grief.  Next to the Major Project a 3,000 word reflective essay should be a doddle.  I mean, I've already written the project so surely all I need to do is say what I did first and then say what I did to make it better.  Sounds easy but my head is all over the place.  The problem is I'm rapidly losing enthusiasm and concentration.  I just want it done so every word is becoming a struggle.

Also, it's forcing me to re-read what I've submitted and every time I read it I get more and more convinced I've failed.  With my confidence already being on the low side I don't need this to make me feel worse.  This is not good.

I can get away with writing 10% less than the 3,000 word requirement so I think I'll take up the option. I'm sitting around 2,000 words at the moment so I really don't have much to do.

I'm determined to get it done tonight.  Then I can edit it tomorrow, write my Personal Development Plan and submit it electronically on Thursday before handing it in on Friday.  In my mind's eye I can see a lovely, big, chilled glass of Pinot just waiting to be downed.  This will be followed by another and another etc - and life will be great.

In reality I'll probably have a sip or two and fall asleep.  That is exactly what happened after I sat my final uni exam

Right.  Enough of this faffing around.

I'll need to be getting on with it if I want to finished tonight.

The Start of the End.

The final push has started.

I've read, taken notes and have probably thought far too much about the Critical Self Reflective essay over the last couple of days.  Now, it's time to start writing it.  I need to exorcise the demon and get it onto paper - but I always find the first sentence is always the hardest.

It shouldn't be too difficult - all I have to do is write 3,000 words about what I did wrong and what I did to put it right.  I've made enough mistakes over the last couple of months I can probably fill a book, and I could sit for hours talking about it.  But it's the old problem.  As soon as I need to write an essay I clam up.  I go into Glasgow Uni essay writing default mode and end up sounding like some half arsed, pseudo academic knob.  I need to relax and write it as me - just a knob.

Okay.  Here goes.  See you on the other side.

1st Hurdle

It's done.

And handed in at eleven o'clock this morning; 19,110 words, twelve versions and three months of my life. Sorted.

I still have to write my Critical Self Reflection essay and sort out my Personal Development Plan.  But that's not due to be handed in until next Friday - which is why I'm currently sitting in the back garden, in the sun sipping an ice cold glass of Pinot.  The madness will reconvene in the morning.
 
Here's an indication of how far I've come.  At the start of the course, if I had a three and a half thousand essay to do I would have started it about five weeks ago and would probably have done three re-writes by now.  Now, after the Major Project, three and a half thousand words is nothing.

It shouldn't be too difficult.  After twelve versions I've made enough mistakes and changes to write about.  As for the Personal Development Plan?  I suppose I should write about how I want to be a fantastic writer (I'd settle for just being a writer though.)  After slogging over the first nineteen thousand words of my Lipton story I really should carry on with the next fifty thousand.  I might start sending it to publishers and agents - all depending on my grade - if I fail it's getting binned.

Again, depending on my grade, I'll contact David Stenhouse, a BBC radio producer.  He came into the uni to talk to us about doing a radio pitch at the beginning of the year.  After the assessments all the class had to pitch our ideas for a radio programme to him.  My idea won - and he said we should keep in touch.  So, you never know what might happen.

I've had a quick glance over my first version of the MP - and it's shit.  Hopefully version twelve is a bit better.

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh

The end is so close I think I might be sick.  There is only one day to go.

But I still haven't finished.

I have never been so late with an assessment in my life.  All through Glasgow Uni I used to think that the people who had to pull an all nighter to get an essay finished should have just bloody well started earlier.

I would like to apologise to every single person who might come into that category.

I started this thing months ago and I've been working flat out.  Even on holiday I didn't have a long lie - ever.  I took a ton of books with me and I spent every morning from about half seven until everyone else got up reading and taking notes - and I still haven't finished.

Tomorrow I need to write my forward chapter breakdown and tie up loose ends - easy!  Em - I really don't think so.

The boys (Dougal and Ross) have been in Athens for the last couple of days.  For supporting Motherwell read having a fucking brilliant time in 35 degrees heat and drinking beer.  But, it's just as well I've had the house to myself - I think I might have committed  murder otherwise.

Last night Ross's girlfriend Megan and I read what I'd written and highlighted the corrections I needed to make.  I drove her home at quarter to one - came home and worked on it till twenty past two and woke up at half past six.  Got up, started working at quarter to seven and was still at it until eight o'clock.  And that was just the corrections. What am I doing wrong?  Is anyone else going through this torture.

And guess what?  I think I might fail. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (maniacal laugh)

WHERE IS MY WINE?????

positive (in very small letters)

Today I had my very last supervision session.  No one has any idea how much I was dreading it - even those I had told over and over again.  But, it wasn't too bad.  In fact, I'd go as far as to say it was good - eventually.

I'd taken plenty of hankies with me because I feared the worst.  I knew that if I started I wouldn't be able to stop.  I was close at one point - my wee lip was beginning to quiver.  It was when Sam asked me how I felt about how I was doing I knew she had an agenda.  I was honest.  I told her I felt sick and was so worried it was making me ill.  She didn't say there, there now, you'll be fine.  She said she felt I'd slipped back from the D1 I'd got for my last assessment and she wasn't sure I fully understood what CNF was.  I totally agreed with her.

But, when we started talking about what she felt was going wrong and how I could put it right the meeting became quite positive.  She helped me to get back to my purpose for writing it, helped sort out the structure and said what I'd written for her was good.  Once I knew she liked what I'd done I began to think I could do this.  I've lost so much confidence in myself over the last couple of months.

She told me I should take a couple of days off and start again on Sunday, even Monday.

WHAT?  Is she mad?  I did relax a bit today because I felt I covered a lot of ground at the session but I need to get straight back onto it tomorrow morning.

I've bought an old, odd roll of wallpaper and glue.  There's not going to be any screen cutting and pasting for me.  I'm doing it for real. With scissors and everything.  The walls are going to be plastered and once I feel I've got the order correct I'll start typing it up.  It might even be good fun - something I've not had for a while.  No doubt photos will be taken.

I still feel I have a couple of things to add but I'm probably over my word limit now so they'll just need to come later on in the book.  Once I'm happy with it I need to re-write and edit it.  It'll take ages.  I reckon I'm going to be still doing it on Thursday.

But if that's what it takes - that's what it takes.

Just six more days - and that's it.  This time next Friday I might not be conscious.  Just saying.

Tears

It had to happen.  There was no way I was going to get through this experience without blubbing like a baby at least a couple of times.  It started the other day and there will be more.

It's all going a bit wrong and I only have about a week to fix it.  I think the major problem is it looks like I don't really know what Creative Non-fiction actually is.  And when you're writing a Creative Non-fiction project that's a bit of a biggie.  I need to be realistic here and prepare myself for the fact that failure is a distinct possibility.  And before anyone reminds me I have to think positively, I'm trying but I'm also being realistic.

I will try my hardest not to fail - I can't think of anything worse.  I got through four years at Glasgow Uni and came out with a 2:1 ( I keep reminding myself of this) but this, for me, has been a lot tougher.

I think my plan has to be,

1. Sort out the structure.
2. Re-write it;- I need to cut a lot out and replace it with a lot more description.  I need to take the reader on a journey, and I need to lose a lot of the 'I'.  While all the time watching out for bad punctuation and repetition.

Sorted.

Hello August - something tells me you're going to be a total bitch.

I think I'd better go and get on with it now - before I start blubbing again..

The Big Countdown

Ten days to go.  Well, there's a wee bit longer but I'm giving myself ten days to get everything down on paper, put into some sort of order, re-written and printed out.  It's not long.  For the first time in my life I might find myself pulling a couple of all nighters.  And if that happens, God help anyone who crosses me.  I need my sleep - without it I'm not responsible for my actions.

This makes me sound like big, bad Anne.  In reality if anyone crosses me I'm more likely to just start crying uncontrollably.  I think the crying might be harder to deal with.

I had a serious wobble the other day.  I started writing about Lipton as if he was a character I could speak to and he replied.  It's quite a nice literary device for a short story but I began to think he sounded like a ghost.  I couldn't imagine writing 20,000 let alone a book like this so I stopped.  Okay - I had a mad panic about it before I stopped, calling people and almost crying but it's sorted now - with some good advice and a lot of wine.

The good thing which came out of it was I think it the prose is a bit lighter and less informationy and it freed my style up a bit.  It now seems a wee bit more interesting - hopefully.

My big problem is still the structure - how I'm going to link it all together into one cohesive whole.  I think it's time to do one of my narrative mapping things to see how it's panning out.  By doing this I can see where the first and third person narration is coming.  It's quite useful. And if that doesn't help I might need to just print it all out and stick it on the walls.  That'll be fun.

I've noticed I haven't give you a Lipton fact recently.  Well did you know the confirmed bachelor was actually married and had a couple of kids?  He kept them quiet.  Oh, and he was meant to be gay.  The marriage and kids can be verified but the gay part can't

Oh God - look at the time.

I'd better get on with it.  Only nine and a half days to go.

Two weeks to go.

I am so confused about this Major project.  My feelings and emotions are all over the place.

I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it's true.  One minute I feel that I can't carry on - that it's all absolute shit and the next I get an idea and things are looking up  Then I try the idea and it's all shit again.

At the moment things are looking up - a bit.  I've been struggling about how to write something historical without making it too dry but I don't know if I have the confidence to do it.  What I do know is that if I write it the way I have been doing Sam and David will probably rip it to shreds.  So, I probably should take the chance and go for it.

I just wish I could get something either Sam or David said out of my head when classes finished.  They were giving us a pep talk to get us in the mood for starting.  There was 77 days to go.  I remember that because it was written in big letters on the board.  77 days.  No problem - that was plenty of time, wasn't it? NO is the answer to that one.  No is is not.

Anyway, what one of them said was just because we had paid a lot of money to be on the course didn't mean we automatically got an MA.  If the work isn't good enough we will fail.

I never thought for a moment I was buying an MA.  I have worked so hard for this.  I don't think I've ever tackled anything so difficult - even my first degree.  But to hear someone say that?  It was  a huge slap around the head which still stings.

There's only 2 weeks to go to hand in day.  I've now written about 19,555 words but I still need to inject some style into it - something to make it bounce and not lie on the floor like a burst balloon.  And that's the hard part.

Ok - I've had my moan for the day.  Well, for the hour at least.

Angels

Angels do exist.  I have proof.

I'm going to hold their identity back for the moment but I will say I have been helped enormously by someone.    

They really have helped me sort out how I should approach my Major Project, made me think a bit clearer and have pointed out a lot which is wrong with it.  And I have to say it's a lot.

My initial reaction was AAAGGGHHH and I went into a bit of a blind panic.  But when I calmed down I could see that what I'd written was lifeless and boring.  There was too much information and not enough creativity.

Because of their advice I'm now dramatising a lot more and actually creating a bit of a story as well as getting in the historical stuff.  Oh God I hope I'm doing the right thing.

One problem is that because I'm writing more dialogue my word count is beginning to creep up.  This means a lot of other stuff needs to left behind for the purposes of MP.  But, what I'm suppose to be doing is writing the first 20,000 words of a book.  So, that's ok, isn't it?  It just means I need to be selective and get the structure right.  The other stuff won't be marked, but it's not lost.

I'm now around 18,300 words and still have some major stuff to write about.  I know I can go 10 percent over and 1,000 words needs to be kept aside for a continuing chapter breakdown so I reckon I still have about 2,700 words to play with.


It should be okay but I better be careful.  I suppose it's better to have too many than too few.

Help.

What am I doing?  How have I got myself into this position?  I can't believe I've reached this point and have still got so much to do.

I woke up in a sweat this morning because my dream was horrendous.

I was walking towards the boxes where we put our assessments.  I had my major project all sorted and it was looking good - I was even happy with what I'd written.  Loads of people were hanging around, putting their assessments into the boxes and cheering and hugging as they did.  When it came to my turn, just as I was posting it into the box, it started to fade.  After a couple of seconds it was gone.  No one else noticed - only me.  I was panicking and crying and running around asking everyone if they knew where my assessment had gone.  They were all just looking at me and walking away.

It was absolutely horrible.  When I woke up I was exhausted.

This is what Major Project is doing to me.

Part of the problem is that I've ground to a halt.  I'm stuck in a rut and as a result I'm panicking myself into total inactivity.

Hopefully by my next blog I'll have got over whatever it is which is holding me back.  The last thing I want is to have another dream like last nights'.

On a lighter note here is the Lipton fact of the day.

Did you know that Lipton was the first businessman to use a sporting event to advertise a product?

Oops

In amongst all my moaning I forgot to give you a Lipton fact.

Did you know he challenged for the America's Cup five times.  In fact he is probably remembered more for his sailing challenges than anything else he did - apart from his domination of the tea industry obviously.  He may have lost five times but it didn't make him a loser.  The American's loved his tenacity.  They also loved him and literally clubbed together (those who wanted to donate gave no more than a dollar) and presented him with a Loving Cup to show their appreciation of his attempts.  It was engraved "To possibly the world's worst yacht builder, but absolutely the world's most cheerful loser."

Some people might have been a wee bit miffed at having their yacht building skills rubbished at the same time as being called a loser but he was delighted at being honoured.  When he died the cup was returned to the New York Yacht Club.

Sorry about that.

Deflated

Yesterday I came home slightly deflated from my Supervision session with David.  It wasn't anything he said or did, the meeting was very constructive.  It's me.  I just always feel down after talking for an hour about my Major Project.  This particular meeting has made me realise just how much I still need to do and how little time I have.  There is now just 21 days to get the Project and my Critical Self Reflective essay written and polished to MA standard.  I can hear the big clock ticking.

My problem is I feel as if I've been working on it for months but it's not doing what I want it to do.  I was hoping to have the structure completely sorted by now but after yesterday it's all up in the air again.  So today I'm panicking.  So much so I can't get started.  I know panicking is pointless but I can't help it.

Time for a talk to myself.


Ok here goes.


Come on Anne - You know you'll feel better once you get going.  


Write a list.  You know how much you like a list. 


Work through it and tick stuff off as you go.  


Decide what bit you want to focus on.


Get words onto the page and edit it when you're finished.  


Calm down.  


Take deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. 


And breathe in.


I said breathe in.


BREATHE IN.

Info

Someone has suggested I should include information on Sir Thomas Lipton in the blog.  Thanks Jeff - it's a great idea - I don't know why I hadn't thought of doing it before.  After all, it is all about him.  So from now on I'll try to astonish you with some of the quirky and interesting stuff Lipton got up to.  He was actually quite a guy.


Yesterday I wrote quite a bit - I'm now up to almost 16,000 words.  I'm not sure about the quality of them but it all adds to the word count at the moment.  There are a few holes to fill in what I've already written so far so I'll try and get some of them plugged today.  


I'm going for my 3rd Supervision session tomorrow - only one more to go.  This time my meeting's with David (not Sam) - to get another perspective on it.  I'll need to sort out what I want to talk to him about.  At my last session Sam said the writing was ok (I'd much rather she'd said it was brilliant I'll take ok) but I needed to work on the structure.  So that's what I'm doing.  Maybe I'll do one of my wee narrative mappy things.  


I've already sent him a chapter breakdown - which, of course, I've since worked on and changed a bit.  Oh - I get so confused sometimes.


Right.  I'm going to get on with it but before I go did you know  - Lipton was one of the first businessman to provide his office workers with a typewriters? It was such an unusual looking thing a visitor to his office actually thought his workers were operating sewing machines.


There.  I hope you're impressed.