Sunday 29 July 2012

The Big Countdown

Ten days to go.  Well, there's a wee bit longer but I'm giving myself ten days to get everything down on paper, put into some sort of order, re-written and printed out.  It's not long.  For the first time in my life I might find myself pulling a couple of all nighters.  And if that happens, God help anyone who crosses me.  I need my sleep - without it I'm not responsible for my actions.

This makes me sound like big, bad Anne.  In reality if anyone crosses me I'm more likely to just start crying uncontrollably.  I think the crying might be harder to deal with.

I had a serious wobble the other day.  I started writing about Lipton as if he was a character I could speak to and he replied.  It's quite a nice literary device for a short story but I began to think he sounded like a ghost.  I couldn't imagine writing 20,000 let alone a book like this so I stopped.  Okay - I had a mad panic about it before I stopped, calling people and almost crying but it's sorted now - with some good advice and a lot of wine.

The good thing which came out of it was I think it the prose is a bit lighter and less informationy and it freed my style up a bit.  It now seems a wee bit more interesting - hopefully.

My big problem is still the structure - how I'm going to link it all together into one cohesive whole.  I think it's time to do one of my narrative mapping things to see how it's panning out.  By doing this I can see where the first and third person narration is coming.  It's quite useful. And if that doesn't help I might need to just print it all out and stick it on the walls.  That'll be fun.

I've noticed I haven't give you a Lipton fact recently.  Well did you know the confirmed bachelor was actually married and had a couple of kids?  He kept them quiet.  Oh, and he was meant to be gay.  The marriage and kids can be verified but the gay part can't

Oh God - look at the time.

I'd better get on with it.  Only nine and a half days to go.

Friday 27 July 2012

Two weeks to go.

I am so confused about this Major project.  My feelings and emotions are all over the place.

I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it's true.  One minute I feel that I can't carry on - that it's all absolute shit and the next I get an idea and things are looking up  Then I try the idea and it's all shit again.

At the moment things are looking up - a bit.  I've been struggling about how to write something historical without making it too dry but I don't know if I have the confidence to do it.  What I do know is that if I write it the way I have been doing Sam and David will probably rip it to shreds.  So, I probably should take the chance and go for it.

I just wish I could get something either Sam or David said out of my head when classes finished.  They were giving us a pep talk to get us in the mood for starting.  There was 77 days to go.  I remember that because it was written in big letters on the board.  77 days.  No problem - that was plenty of time, wasn't it? NO is the answer to that one.  No is is not.

Anyway, what one of them said was just because we had paid a lot of money to be on the course didn't mean we automatically got an MA.  If the work isn't good enough we will fail.

I never thought for a moment I was buying an MA.  I have worked so hard for this.  I don't think I've ever tackled anything so difficult - even my first degree.  But to hear someone say that?  It was  a huge slap around the head which still stings.

There's only 2 weeks to go to hand in day.  I've now written about 19,555 words but I still need to inject some style into it - something to make it bounce and not lie on the floor like a burst balloon.  And that's the hard part.

Ok - I've had my moan for the day.  Well, for the hour at least.

Wednesday 25 July 2012

Angels

Angels do exist.  I have proof.

I'm going to hold their identity back for the moment but I will say I have been helped enormously by someone.    

They really have helped me sort out how I should approach my Major Project, made me think a bit clearer and have pointed out a lot which is wrong with it.  And I have to say it's a lot.

My initial reaction was AAAGGGHHH and I went into a bit of a blind panic.  But when I calmed down I could see that what I'd written was lifeless and boring.  There was too much information and not enough creativity.

Because of their advice I'm now dramatising a lot more and actually creating a bit of a story as well as getting in the historical stuff.  Oh God I hope I'm doing the right thing.

One problem is that because I'm writing more dialogue my word count is beginning to creep up.  This means a lot of other stuff needs to left behind for the purposes of MP.  But, what I'm suppose to be doing is writing the first 20,000 words of a book.  So, that's ok, isn't it?  It just means I need to be selective and get the structure right.  The other stuff won't be marked, but it's not lost.

I'm now around 18,300 words and still have some major stuff to write about.  I know I can go 10 percent over and 1,000 words needs to be kept aside for a continuing chapter breakdown so I reckon I still have about 2,700 words to play with.


It should be okay but I better be careful.  I suppose it's better to have too many than too few.


Monday 23 July 2012

Help.

What am I doing?  How have I got myself into this position?  I can't believe I've reached this point and have still got so much to do.

I woke up in a sweat this morning because my dream was horrendous.

I was walking towards the boxes where we put our assessments.  I had my major project all sorted and it was looking good - I was even happy with what I'd written.  Loads of people were hanging around, putting their assessments into the boxes and cheering and hugging as they did.  When it came to my turn, just as I was posting it into the box, it started to fade.  After a couple of seconds it was gone.  No one else noticed - only me.  I was panicking and crying and running around asking everyone if they knew where my assessment had gone.  They were all just looking at me and walking away.

It was absolutely horrible.  When I woke up I was exhausted.

This is what Major Project is doing to me.

Part of the problem is that I've ground to a halt.  I'm stuck in a rut and as a result I'm panicking myself into total inactivity.

Hopefully by my next blog I'll have got over whatever it is which is holding me back.  The last thing I want is to have another dream like last nights'.

On a lighter note here is the Lipton fact of the day.

Did you know that Lipton was the first businessman to use a sporting event to advertise a product?




Friday 20 July 2012

Oops

In amongst all my moaning I forgot to give you a Lipton fact.

Did you know he challenged for the America's Cup five times.  In fact he is probably remembered more for his sailing challenges than anything else he did - apart from his domination of the tea industry obviously.  He may have lost five times but it didn't make him a loser.  The American's loved his tenacity.  They also loved him and literally clubbed together (those who wanted to donate gave no more than a dollar) and presented him with a Loving Cup to show their appreciation of his attempts.  It was engraved "To possibly the world's worst yacht builder, but absolutely the world's most cheerful loser."

Some people might have been a wee bit miffed at having their yacht building skills rubbished at the same time as being called a loser but he was delighted at being honoured.  When he died the cup was returned to the New York Yacht Club.

Sorry about that.

Deflated

Yesterday I came home slightly deflated from my Supervision session with David.  It wasn't anything he said or did, the meeting was very constructive.  It's me.  I just always feel down after talking for an hour about my Major Project.  This particular meeting has made me realise just how much I still need to do and how little time I have.  There is now just 21 days to get the Project and my Critical Self Reflective essay written and polished to MA standard.  I can hear the big clock ticking.

My problem is I feel as if I've been working on it for months but it's not doing what I want it to do.  I was hoping to have the structure completely sorted by now but after yesterday it's all up in the air again.  So today I'm panicking.  So much so I can't get started.  I know panicking is pointless but I can't help it.

Time for a talk to myself.


Ok here goes.


Come on Anne - You know you'll feel better once you get going.  


Write a list.  You know how much you like a list. 


Work through it and tick stuff off as you go.  


Decide what bit you want to focus on.


Get words onto the page and edit it when you're finished.  


Calm down.  


Take deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. 


And breathe in.


I said breathe in.


BREATHE IN.

Wednesday 18 July 2012

Info

Someone has suggested I should include information on Sir Thomas Lipton in the blog.  Thanks Jeff - it's a great idea - I don't know why I hadn't thought of doing it before.  After all, it is all about him.  So from now on I'll try to astonish you with some of the quirky and interesting stuff Lipton got up to.  He was actually quite a guy.


Yesterday I wrote quite a bit - I'm now up to almost 16,000 words.  I'm not sure about the quality of them but it all adds to the word count at the moment.  There are a few holes to fill in what I've already written so far so I'll try and get some of them plugged today.  


I'm going for my 3rd Supervision session tomorrow - only one more to go.  This time my meeting's with David (not Sam) - to get another perspective on it.  I'll need to sort out what I want to talk to him about.  At my last session Sam said the writing was ok (I'd much rather she'd said it was brilliant I'll take ok) but I needed to work on the structure.  So that's what I'm doing.  Maybe I'll do one of my wee narrative mappy things.  


I've already sent him a chapter breakdown - which, of course, I've since worked on and changed a bit.  Oh - I get so confused sometimes.


Right.  I'm going to get on with it but before I go did you know  - Lipton was one of the first businessman to provide his office workers with a typewriters? It was such an unusual looking thing a visitor to his office actually thought his workers were operating sewing machines.


There.  I hope you're impressed.






Monday 16 July 2012

Painkillers

I can't get going today.

I didn't sleep well and my arm hurts.  I don't know what I've done to it - it just aches.

I should clarify.  I broke my arm on 1st of January.  (Pause for sniggers)  Yes.  I was a New Year alcohol related statistic.  It took me months to get back to some sort of normality and I have to say it's been brilliant lately.  But it's sore today.  Maybe I should take a couple of those lovely hard hitting painkillers and several cups of coffee.


So the scene is set.  I'm tired and not at my best.  


The last thing I needed this morning was to take time out to go into Glasgow Uni library to collect a book I ordered and for no one to be there to hand it over to me.  I know it's Fair Monday but surely some people still go to work?  And before you all say a collective "Well, you should've phoned them."  I did.  And the recorded message said they were open.  I suppose I should've realised no one was there when I heard the damn recorded message - but like I said - I'm not at my best.

But I'm ready to start now.  Well, I was.  I've just had an email from a copy editing guy who said he could copy edit my stuff for about £250.  Not having employed a copy editor before I have no idea if this is good or bad.  Any advice would be welcomed.  But the thing that made me smile, or should I say produce a maniacal laugh, was the fact he said he could do it if he had my 20,000 by the end of the week.  So whether £250 is good or bad is indifferent because 20,000 words by Friday is not going to happen.

Ok - enough of this negativity.  I've got my list of tasks for the day and I'm going to go for it.

Oohh - I think the painkillers and coffee have kicked in.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

P.S. Gold star to anyone who has spotted the Muppet reference.

Sunday 15 July 2012

Lost

Where do I start?

I've been away from the actual writing of the project for so long I don't know where to pick it up again.  I'm the eternal re-drafter so I feel all I do is go over the same ground - which is getting me nowhere.

Yesterday all I did was try and get back on an even keel after the holidays.  Today I got up early, well quite early, and all I've done so far is boil a kettle and hang a massive washing out.

I meant to say in my last post - I was listening to the Janice Forsyth Show on Radio Scotland yesterday.   I hadn't heard the show for a couple of weeks and was wallowing in her familiarity when something struck me, she was being very reminiscent.  Then I realised.  It was her last show - EVER!  I knew it was coming but for some reason I thought it was in August.  It actually threw me off balance a bit.  


I've been listening since the show started and I have a lot of affection for it.  I used to love the Connections Quiz and I'm the proud owner of a wind-up radio.  I even won a wooden pen - which I still use - for doing a live review of the Frankie Miller Tribute gig at the Barrowlands. Imagine my delight when a couple of weeks later I received a package in the post.  It was a limited edition poster for the event from the producer, Nick, along with a note saying it was lying about the office and he thought I'd like it.  It's still on my wall today.  A few years later I was able to thank Nick in person when I did some work experience in the office. I was so chuffed when the Connections Quiz I put together appeared on the show.  Everyone who worked on the show were extremely nice to me and they worked so hard to maintain its high standard.  Saturday mornings will definitely have something lacking from now on.  I've always listened to Radio Scotland but next Saturday I think Radio 2 or Radio 4 will get my company.


Of course it will be on quietly in the background as smoke bellows from my keyboard.


Ok - I'm getting on with it now.


Where was I again?

Saturday 14 July 2012

Return

My two week mental regeneration stint in my favourite holiday destination is over - and I had a brilliant time.  We all had a brilliant time - all 7 of us.  A great big thank you to everyone for making St Ives 2012 as great as all the other times.

The weather was decidedly dodgy but, like I think I've already said, I would forgive St Ives anything.  Somehow the place seems to have its own wee micro climate and even in the drizzliest of days the sun manages to struggle through for a couple of hours.  I'm not really that bothered about the weather though - my skin doesn't like the sun so the fact that it went into hiding means it  actually saved me a small fortune on Factor 50+.  As long as I can gaze out to sea for hours and watch the waves I'm happy.

On our first day I spotted Neil Oliver - which was quite nice.

Then we would see him everywhere - on a bus with the wife and weans, passing our window (several times).  "Neil" watching became an amusing past time.  I even spotted him coming out of the gents on the way to Porthminster.  And the last time I saw him he was striding across Porthgwidden beach.  I swear it was just like watching an episode of Coast - except he didn't have a camera crew behind him to speak into.  I must say - he's quite a striking figure but the telly doesn't do his hair justice.  It's just lovely. 

Despite being on holiday I still worked.  I had to.  I was up every morning about 7.30am to try and get a few hours done before the house came to life.  I was limited in what I could do because there was no internet access.  To get on-line I had to go to the library or drag myself to a beautiful wee teashop which served deliciously relaxing exotic teas (and I mean teas which opened up into a flower) to connect with the world.  Sometimes I had to drink two pots.  It was hell.

But I feel I didn't get done what I wanted to - so I'm feeling a bit AAAGGGHHHH - how the hell am I going to get this done? - this morning.  I'm sure I'm not alone.  Everyone on the course has probably felt like that at some point.

What I did get done was a lot of reading and note taking.  I also had my Skype meeting with Sam and managed to cobble together something for my next meeting with David which is on Thursday.

I've also worked a lot on the chapter breakdown.  At the moment I feel like I'm wandering around without a map - and I have the worst sense of direction - so I if I get that right I think I'll feel a lot better.


Needless to say I didn't get anything written yesterday because we were driving home.  The journey took eleven hours - thanks to some well meaning, motorway watching, keyboard happy, namby pamby official who kept flashing up on the gantry " Queues Ahead - 40MPH".


I know there is a great need to be careful etc etc but this started before we reached Birmingham and lasted until well after Liverpool - we were stopping and starting for about three and a half hours and when we got through each queue - there was absolutely no obvious reason for it.  When the same official flashed up "End" the cars flowed along beautifully.


I think the road would have been fine if they had just let the drivers drive instead of warning them every five minutes there might be queues.  I'm convinced it was actually the motorway watchers who were actually causing the damn queues. 


Rant over - anybody got a deliciously relaxing exotic tea handy?


Ok - now it's back to work time.  I have no excuse.  It's only 2 weeks and 6 days and about 6,500 words until I hand my incredibly polished and perfectly formed work of creative non-fiction.


Oh, oh!  I can feel it.  Here it comes.


AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!









Friday 6 July 2012

Break

I realise I haven't been keeping up with the blog.  Sorry!

I really didn't mean to slip so far behind but I don't have internet access where I am.  It's actually been quite good but I had to find somewhere to log on because I had a Skype meeting with Sam this morning.  It was my second Supervision session and I couldn't miss it.  It went quite well but I've obviously got a long way to go and a short time to do it.

In the absence of Google I've been doing a lot of reading and taking notes - and getting up at the crack of jack to do it.  I'm not joking - I'm up before the seagulls.  Did someone mention holiday?  I'm still getting the odd bit of writing done - I'm up to about 14,000 words - but after this mornings meeting that migh go down a bit.  Well, it might go down a lot.

I'll update when I get home and fully back into writing mode.

For now - it's back to St Ives, rain, sun, a bit of drizzle and cloud.

But, hey - it's St Ives.  The place can do no wrong in my eyes.